Aubrielle
Columbus, Ohio
June 18 2018
Midnight
Hey, RPGWatch. It's your old pal and sometime communist agitator, Aubrielle! I'm here in sunny *squints* Ohio, sitting by the relaxing *scrunches up face, focusing* computer. The rabbits are relaxing by the A/C vents or chewing cardboard, waiting on me to get up and hang out with them. It's quiet enough to hear the sigh of the fan in the next room, and after this letter, I'll get back to work on my manuscript.
I've gotten messages from a number of you over the last year or so. I think it started with Ripper, who wondered how I was doing and I never responded (sorry, Ripper, I honestly meant to). I'll hear from the rest of you every now and then, nothing super lengthy or involved, just touching bases. I haven't responded to any of them but believe me when I say that I love you for it - taking the time to say hello can make all the difference in someone's day.
Nyx and I hang out (though not IRL, sadly - we live too far away). Fluent and I hang out (again, not IRL - we only live a few hours away but he must be terrified I'll start up Tekken and crush him or something). Henriquejr stays in touch - I helped him with that piece a couple of months ago. I'll occasionally swap comments with xSamhainx on Steam, I occasionally bug Joxer and he'll growl, and I've got Morrandir, txa, JDR13, Nephologist, dajjer, Lemonhead, aand…probably more of you that I honestly don't mean to offend.
The big unspoken question I sense in the air these days is why'd you leave? If I can be candidly honest, the election of 2016 really knocked the wind out of me. I'm not ashamed to admit it. You'll find that a lot of my fellow Far Leftists are also artists and writers like me, and we tend to feel things really deeply. It was a scary time, and seeing everyone gloating and carrying those stupid tiki torches (and they were really stupid, come on - dweebs in ugly polos carrying tiki torches? it's like you all finally got off the P&R forum and organized yourselves into a stormtrooper unit…for us to laugh at)…it's hard not to think of Italy in the early 1920s, or Germany in the early 30s. I'm also an introvert (believe it or not) with really serious depression (which isn't hard to believe), so over the following months, I sort of…careened back and forth, kinda like on one of those racing games when the car steers too much to one side and you can't control it. There's also this seasonal thing, which sucks…I like winter but it messes me up. Just this past winter, I stopped replying to texts…I kinda put my phone in my desk drawer and ignored my friends. I just…couldn't, you know? I think it was the first time that I just couldn't for months. But anyone that gets close enough to me to use the "F" word (friend, you ass) knows that sending me texts is like playing a rigged slot machine in a really low-budget game - you're not likely to get anything back worth looking at, and even if you do, the results are going to be quite unspectacular. And I think my RL friends took it personally when wifey didn't throw our usual Christmas party at our place, so we haven't seen them in quite a while, either.
But it's not all bad. I've been spending a lot of time with my manuscript and playing about three gazillion different games (if you've looked at my play history on Steam, you know this). There's an ADD component to my broken brain, too, so in order to stay functional and inspired, I need to consume music like whales consume fish (or like bunnies consume timothy hay), and I need to play a ton of different things, try to force myself to have a bunch of different experiences. It's kind of annoying that I can't just sit down and write for eighteen hours straight and have it all be stuff I'm really happy with. Though, my wife got me an actual vintage 1925 Corona Four typewriter for my birthday last year, and that's a really fun, satisfying way to take a break and write a few lines, maybe brainstorm a little. It's one of the coolest gifts I've ever gotten and I love it to pieces.
It's all trial and error when you're trying to develop successful habits with a broken brain. I've tried developing a destructive drinking habit, which failed because I can't find the yummy hard iced tea I like anymore (I'm a lightweight…anything harder turns the world into a copy of a copy). So for right now it's just old fashioned caffeine…coffee and tea. If someone alpha reads my manuscript and has a complete aneurysm, that helps the most…I might be opinionated but I'm definitely not full of myself, so being told my work is evocative or provocative or addictive or sets tone and mood in a beautiful way…or is just plain good...who doesn't want to hear that?
Gah, I just spent two paragraphs talking shop. Anyway, what I guess I was sort of getting at is that it's nice to hear from you guys - I think about all of you a lot (or, most of you a lot) and it's nice to know that I'm not quite as expendable as I try to make myself. If it would interest any of you, maybe I could scribble up a really strange article about the games that have helped keep me inspired. Or something.
Oh, and I've been making loads of Wallpaper Engine wallpapers, too - if you use WE, you should check out my stuff and see if it's your style.
I'm getting tunnelvision so I think I'm going to find a glass of water and maybe try to massage about a thousand words out of my brain. Thank you for reading all this and thank you for staying in touch. Like I said, if you've messaged me or added me on Steam, chances are you're in my thoughts fairly often.
Namaste and much love (to most of you! ),
Cassandra
(that's my real name, not a pen name)
Columbus, Ohio
June 18 2018
Midnight
Hey, RPGWatch. It's your old pal and sometime communist agitator, Aubrielle! I'm here in sunny *squints* Ohio, sitting by the relaxing *scrunches up face, focusing* computer. The rabbits are relaxing by the A/C vents or chewing cardboard, waiting on me to get up and hang out with them. It's quiet enough to hear the sigh of the fan in the next room, and after this letter, I'll get back to work on my manuscript.
I've gotten messages from a number of you over the last year or so. I think it started with Ripper, who wondered how I was doing and I never responded (sorry, Ripper, I honestly meant to). I'll hear from the rest of you every now and then, nothing super lengthy or involved, just touching bases. I haven't responded to any of them but believe me when I say that I love you for it - taking the time to say hello can make all the difference in someone's day.
Nyx and I hang out (though not IRL, sadly - we live too far away). Fluent and I hang out (again, not IRL - we only live a few hours away but he must be terrified I'll start up Tekken and crush him or something). Henriquejr stays in touch - I helped him with that piece a couple of months ago. I'll occasionally swap comments with xSamhainx on Steam, I occasionally bug Joxer and he'll growl, and I've got Morrandir, txa, JDR13, Nephologist, dajjer, Lemonhead, aand…probably more of you that I honestly don't mean to offend.
The big unspoken question I sense in the air these days is why'd you leave? If I can be candidly honest, the election of 2016 really knocked the wind out of me. I'm not ashamed to admit it. You'll find that a lot of my fellow Far Leftists are also artists and writers like me, and we tend to feel things really deeply. It was a scary time, and seeing everyone gloating and carrying those stupid tiki torches (and they were really stupid, come on - dweebs in ugly polos carrying tiki torches? it's like you all finally got off the P&R forum and organized yourselves into a stormtrooper unit…for us to laugh at)…it's hard not to think of Italy in the early 1920s, or Germany in the early 30s. I'm also an introvert (believe it or not) with really serious depression (which isn't hard to believe), so over the following months, I sort of…careened back and forth, kinda like on one of those racing games when the car steers too much to one side and you can't control it. There's also this seasonal thing, which sucks…I like winter but it messes me up. Just this past winter, I stopped replying to texts…I kinda put my phone in my desk drawer and ignored my friends. I just…couldn't, you know? I think it was the first time that I just couldn't for months. But anyone that gets close enough to me to use the "F" word (friend, you ass) knows that sending me texts is like playing a rigged slot machine in a really low-budget game - you're not likely to get anything back worth looking at, and even if you do, the results are going to be quite unspectacular. And I think my RL friends took it personally when wifey didn't throw our usual Christmas party at our place, so we haven't seen them in quite a while, either.
But it's not all bad. I've been spending a lot of time with my manuscript and playing about three gazillion different games (if you've looked at my play history on Steam, you know this). There's an ADD component to my broken brain, too, so in order to stay functional and inspired, I need to consume music like whales consume fish (or like bunnies consume timothy hay), and I need to play a ton of different things, try to force myself to have a bunch of different experiences. It's kind of annoying that I can't just sit down and write for eighteen hours straight and have it all be stuff I'm really happy with. Though, my wife got me an actual vintage 1925 Corona Four typewriter for my birthday last year, and that's a really fun, satisfying way to take a break and write a few lines, maybe brainstorm a little. It's one of the coolest gifts I've ever gotten and I love it to pieces.
It's all trial and error when you're trying to develop successful habits with a broken brain. I've tried developing a destructive drinking habit, which failed because I can't find the yummy hard iced tea I like anymore (I'm a lightweight…anything harder turns the world into a copy of a copy). So for right now it's just old fashioned caffeine…coffee and tea. If someone alpha reads my manuscript and has a complete aneurysm, that helps the most…I might be opinionated but I'm definitely not full of myself, so being told my work is evocative or provocative or addictive or sets tone and mood in a beautiful way…or is just plain good...who doesn't want to hear that?
Gah, I just spent two paragraphs talking shop. Anyway, what I guess I was sort of getting at is that it's nice to hear from you guys - I think about all of you a lot (or, most of you a lot) and it's nice to know that I'm not quite as expendable as I try to make myself. If it would interest any of you, maybe I could scribble up a really strange article about the games that have helped keep me inspired. Or something.
Oh, and I've been making loads of Wallpaper Engine wallpapers, too - if you use WE, you should check out my stuff and see if it's your style.
I'm getting tunnelvision so I think I'm going to find a glass of water and maybe try to massage about a thousand words out of my brain. Thank you for reading all this and thank you for staying in touch. Like I said, if you've messaged me or added me on Steam, chances are you're in my thoughts fairly often.
Namaste and much love (to most of you! ),
Cassandra
(that's my real name, not a pen name)
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