The Monocled Falcon… immediate incline is required.


Jul 31, 2010
Men, women and trannies of the most prestigious persuasion, I've been called out for my faggoty drinking preferences, implications have been implied. I must now man-up my alcohol habits post haste.

Lately, I've been enjoying that new Jack Daniels Honey Whiskey and a recent favorite Disaronno on the rocks with cranberry but now I'm looking to up the ante. I was thinking about trying out gin and tonics but perhaps more drastic measures need be taken. I'm looking for a most adult and prestigious beverage, perhaps straight scotch? Absinthe is in the running as well. Help me bro's you're my only hope.


Disgusting Thing
Feb 18, 2010
What are you doing out here, soldier? GET INTO THE EMBASSY YOU SHITFUCK

Jesus, do I have to do everything myself?


Dec 26, 2011
Only drink scotch if you mean it. Seriously, don't waste single-malts if you don't like them. Drink them when you want something for the pleasure of drinking not 'cause you need to man up. It's a waste of liquor and money.

Absinthe is like candy to real food, don't be fooled. It tastes like licorice and you add sugar. It's novel every now and then, but kind of a tedious go to.

Start with ass cheap whiskey. Drink lots of it. Them move on to real bourbon. which you will now be able to appreciate fully. Jack Daniels is not bourbon. Jim Beam is only kind of bourbon. Maker's Mark is nice, but it's not real-real bourbon. You need something made with rye. Don't get hung up on the brand--that'd be like getting hung up on a single brand of beer. Try lots, pick favorites, but keep an open mind. Old Forrester is cheap, but an acquired taste. Four Roses is hip, but actually kind of worth it. Bulleit's good. Eagle Rare is surprisingly good. Do yourself a favour and shop around, though.

Stick to straight vodka or gin if you don't like browns or complex flavours (not a criticism--something simple and clean is nice every now and then). I do get hung up on brands with vodka, but only because it's really easy to buy pretentious, over priced shit. Don't get the liquor store brand, don't get the fucking Grey Goose or anything that's vaguely ritzy looking. You might want to try Russian Standard if you can find it, if only to see the outermost acceptable limit of ritzy looking.

If you absolutely have to have something in your vodka, get pearl onions and lemon peel. Try it, at least, so you know what I mean. Vodka's brilliant for how it can change flavours like those--you can drink the evaporated oil of the lemon peel or a bite into a crisp, cool onion. Both very appealing experiences. Try it. Seriously.

Gin straight is better room temperature than cold--I'll go to my grave saying so. It tastes like kerosene served below freezing, but warmer you can actually appreciate the herbs that went into that shit. You can mix it with tonic, but why would you unless you're worried about malaria? Rules about brands still apply.

If you're set on cocktails, remember this:

That's it. That's what can add to a liquor without taking too much away--especially the bitters. Not a hard and fast rule, of course, but don't add shit to that recipe unless you know what you're doing and you have time to experiment.

By the way, got the message? Shit like scotch is manly because it's about the drinking, the art of it. You can't skip the appreciation to enter the manly in any real sense. You've got to taste it. Drinking straight whiskey/whisky is just the way that's best for people who really like how whiskies taste. Not knocking you for trying, but... You don't become a Jedi for the power of the Force, you get the power for becoming a Jedi, son. Don't walk down the darkside of liquor pretension.

And don't waste scotch, damn it.


Codexian Shlong Polisher
Dec 27, 2011
Skittles layed that down well, there's not much to add to that. I agree with the scotch, you don't fuck around with that, you take your time with it, you sit the fuck down, and savor the flavour while relaxing in your favorite chair, a grizzled and aged expression on your face, while pondering the meaning of existence, or something equally manly.
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Wicked Witch of Loliland

All hail. Nao.
Dec 26, 2011
At the left hand of God.
When did Crispy became such a wimp?


repeat offender
Dec 26, 2011
Crispy is getting fucking annoying.

Anyway, I have to concur with the sentiments of the gentlemen above. As a fellow scotch appreciator, I started with the very cheap stuff (Old Smuggler, Johnnie Walker) and also tried Irish whiskey and various bourbons (Jameson, Jack Daniels, Jim Beam), even venturing to cognac sometimes (still enjoy a good Courvoisier).

I started moving up the leagues while sticking to the brands (different Johnnie Walker labels), and ended up recently buying a 30 years old Glenfiddich. I can easily say that if I hadn't gone through the "trouble" of trying all those other brands and the lower quality (blended and blended malt), I would never have been able to truly appreciate and enjoy the aged single malt. I still drink Black/Red Label Johnnie Walker and other blended whiskies, usually when I actually want to get drunk - no other liquor really appeals to me anymore, so I stick with it. But wasting good single malt scotch on getting drunk seems like a travesty - I drink it moderately, and stop when I feel I'm not appreciating it fully anymore.

Edit: I also started more or less artificially, btw. I never liked beer, and wine never gets me drunk. Vodka and spirits were good, but in the end, drinking citrus-flavored shit seemed girly anyway. I ended up drinking scotch (and because I heard it in a movie, ordered it "on the rocks"). I never drink scotch outside of room temperature nowadays, of course - not because people say I shouldn't - but because cold whisky tastes like soap to me.


Apr 27, 2011
So how much of that revolting brew would you say must one endure, on average, until it stops tasting like shit?

I, too, want to acquire a taste for shit in order to be able to scoff at the peasants.


Filthy Codex Spy
Oct 18, 2006
Un(?)related: port is something which is, sadly, not popular at all in my region, but I have developed a taste for it during my stays in Portugal and Spain.

For a cheap introduction to the drink you may try this one:

although it's better to buy Portuguese ones. Porto Calem was definitely the best I have tried.

Don't buy Late Bottle Vintage before you know what you're doing and when to open the particular bottle :D I felt so proud once that I bought a prestigious brand before I checked that I should open it in 2015 :D


Feb 18, 2010
i've been wanting to try that JD honey.

Did get some Laphroaig quarter cask for christmas though. Something different from my usual glenfiddich single malt. I like it.
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