A bunch of blonde jokes ...
Ah, Yes... Blonde Is Beautiful
A blonde on the river’s edge shouted to a blonde on the opposite side of the river: “How do you get to the other side?”
The blonde across the river yelled back, “You’re already there!”
* * *
Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive blonde lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house"
"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light." The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.
Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?"
"Yes, I do," said Bob.
"Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the
house and pay her a visit?"
"Well, um, yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out "I have to admit that I did."
"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"
Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did." Why do you ask?"
"She just died and left me everything."
(And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you?)
* * *
A guy and a blonde were out on a date, ended up at Lovers Lane.
Things are progressing and the guy says,"Wanna go to the backseat?"
"No," the blonde says.
Things get pretty hot and the guy thought he would try again. “Wanna go to the backseat?"
"No!" yelled the blonde.
Things get hotter still, the blonde is down to her bra and the guy's
pants are unzipped.
"Do you wanna go to the backseat yet?" asks the befuddled young man guy.
"For the last time, no!" howls the blonde.
Utterly frustrated, the guy demands, "Well, why the hell not?"
"Because I wanna stay up here with you"
* * *
Brokeback Blonde
The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blond cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun and his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure.
As he is locking him up, he asks "Why in the world are you walking around like this?"
The Cowboy says, "Well it's like this Sheriff ... I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did.
"We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt ... so I did.
"Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants... so I did.
"Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my under shorts ... so I did.
"Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, 'Now go to town cowboy... '.
"And here I am."
Son of a Gun, Blond Men do exist.
* * *
Blondes in Computer Sciences? Well... sort of....
* * *
The Mailman's Last Day
It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carryingthe mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.
The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful blonde in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.
As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.
"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you." He said, "Screw him - - - give him a dollar."
The blonde then blushed and said, "The breakfast was my idea."
* * *
Perhaps the First Male Blonde Joke
An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to Jump off this building."
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."
The blond opened his lunch and said, “Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."
The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"
The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said, "Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch”
* * *
Blond With No Driver’s License
6/1/05
A blonde is tooling along in her bright red Miata going way past the speed limit when a female police officer, coincidentally another blonde, pulls her over.
“Let me see your license,” the police lady says.
“What’s that,” the clueless blonde asks.
“Your driver’s license,” the officer repeated with annoyance.
Frustrated, the blonde rifles through her glove box, looks back at the officer and shrugs.
“Try your purse, Miss.”
“Well, what’s it look like?”
“You can’t be that stupid,” the irritated cop replies. “It’s that little rectangular thing with your picture on it?”
Moments later the blonde retrieves a small makeup mirror from her purse, looks into it and hands it to the officer, a triumphant look on her pretty face.
The blonde policewoman takes the mirror, looks at it and says, “I guess I’ll have to let you off. I didn’t know you were a police officer.”